It's days like today that I am so grateful for this:
So today I am ready to sell my four year old. Yes... you heard that right. In fact, I will actually pay you to take him. I am offering him to family first... any takers?
Parker has been so hard lately. His back-talking and screaming "NO" has got to stop. I have been pulling my hair out today as I was trying to teach piano with Parker screaming in his room. When I turned off the monitor in my piano room so I couldn't hear him anymore, I thought, "Why didn't God make mute buttons on kids?" Luckily Paul came home just at the right time to help me with Parker's tantrums... and he took it from there. I was able to finish teaching piano and get dinner ready without hearing the screaming and whining that Paul was hearing downstairs. Dinner consisted of the kids and Paul eating at the table, and I had to take a break and go sit in the living room. I know... not even dinner with my fam tonight, because I was to the point of a breakdown of tears... which came when Paul came in the living room to help me out. After that, Paul took the boyz and gave them both a bath, got them ready for bed, and read them stories. Wow. I am so grateful for a husband who sees my frustrations and proceeds to take all responsibility upon himself to make my life a little easier. After a long day at work for him, he doesn't hesitate to come home and pick up his role as a father and husband. Paul, thank you. I love you.
When I get frustrated with one thing, I feel like everything else is just falling apart. It was so nice to vacuum and get the house picked up while Paul helped with the kids. He may not love day shift, but this is just one of those days when I seriously needed him home at night to help out. And just now... Paul walked in the door with a 44 oz Diet Coke for me. How sweet!
Oh my goodness... how do parents do it? I thought the age of 2 was hard... 3 was a bit worse... and now 4??? And what depresses me the most is knowing that I have to go through it all again with Jaxon who will be 2 in March! I need a guide book to tell me exactly what I should be doing and what in the world I am doing wrong. Paul asked me tonight, "So we really want a 3rd, huh?" And NO, I am not announcing, but we will have a 3rd baby someday... but not ANYTIME soon! :) I just told Paul, "Not today!"
So while I kissed Jaxon goodnight, and laid in bed with Parker to snuggle him for a minute, I couldn't help but feel guilty. Why can't I be a better mom and maybe have more patience? Why won't Parker listen to me? I took away all of his toys, and he will not have any of his toys all day tomorrow because of tonight. He understands this. As I was laying with him, I started crying again as I was talking to him about how he should act. He got really worried, started rubbing my arm and my cheek, and said, "Mom, everything will be okay."
Yes, I know. Everything will be okay. Tomorrow will be a new day. My boyz will still love me. I will still love them. I probably won't really sell Parker... But in the meantime, while I am struggling with my sweet boyz, I will be forever grateful to a wonderful husband who reminds me just how much I am loved.
2 comments:
oh my gosh, ?i can totally relate to this post. My inlaws always tell me that kids get older an it gets easier but there are challenges and worries but in different ways.
You are such a good mom...YES YOU ARE!!!! and such a great friend. Kyle always says to me that we are equal partners and I'm sure that's exacly how Paul feels.
I have had days like this, many times. If you need company, hot cocoa, dinner, shopping...I'm your girl!
You said it all! That is exactly how I feel. I get to upset with the kids and then 2 minutes later feel so guilty and wish I could do better. It is so hard isn't it! So glad you have a great hubby and got some time away for a bit. You are wonderful. Just keep going. Sometimes that is all we can do!
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